bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
