Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
