I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
