The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
