Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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