I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
