We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
