Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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