im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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