In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
