Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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