I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
