you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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