It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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