..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
