a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
