He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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