they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize