Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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