oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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