She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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