shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
