So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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