Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
