I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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