She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
