it wasn't lemon gatorade
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
