No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
