it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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