Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
