I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize