And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
