Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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