I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
