i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
