I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
