Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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