This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
