I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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