They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
