Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
