Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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