I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
