she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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