i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
