I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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