I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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