you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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