literally had 100 drinks last night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
