3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize