i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Randomize
