all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
