from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
