Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
