Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
