can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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