you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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