A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize