after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
