I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
