I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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