Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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