i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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