Your tits are I can't wait for
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
