The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
do herpes really smell.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We need to get me chipped asap
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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