Where is the hickey?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize