oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
