My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize