I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
